When You’re Functioning… But Not Really Living
What happens when “fine” becomes your emotional ceiling
This special edition is free to all readers, because everyone deserves a space where they feel seen—and gently supported to find their way back to themselves.
You get up. You do the things. You check the boxes. You’re not in crisis. You’re doing “fine.”
But deep down, it doesn’t feel like living.
You move through your day competently - grocery runs, client meetings, family logistics - but somewhere along the way, you forgot what it feels like to want something for yourself. Joy feels like a language you once spoke fluently, but now barely remember.
If this is you, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been carrying more than anyone can see… or just functioning on top of emotional debris that was never cleared.
The Hidden Cost of Constant Coping
For years, I believed the harder I worked, the better the outcome. More achievement = more worth.
In reality, the harder I pushed, the more overwhelmed I became. And the unhappier I got. I lived in a loop of high effort and low joy - trying to prove I was enough. Never arriving because I constantly moved the goalposts further away.
And then, I burned out. Not in a dramatic crash, but in a quiet emotional erosion.
Here’s what I had to learn (maybe you do too):
That perfectionism is often a mask for fear
That self-worth isn’t something you earn, it’s something you honor
That chronic coping can become its own kind of trap
A Gentle Tool: “Duty or Desire?”
Sometimes the smallest questions reveal the biggest truths.
Try this quiet check-in at any moment today:
What part of me is here out of duty… and what part is here out of desire?
You can apply this to:
That Zoom call you said yes to
The dinner you’re cooking
The way you’re spending your evening
You don’t need to change anything just yet. Just notice.
Duty isn’t bad. But when it’s all we operate from, life becomes mechanical. Lifeless. And we start to disappear under the weight of being “the capable one.”
A Micro-Example
Let’s say it’s 8:00 PM. You’re scrolling Instagram, sipping wine, feeling… flat.
Pause. Ask yourself:
“Am I doing this out of desire - or because I’m too tired to want anything else?”
That one question might stir a small shift. A tiny flicker of agency. A whisper of your own desire coming back online.
A Gentle Proof of Progress Note
You’re done when:
You’ve asked the Duty or Desire question once today
You noticed your answer without judging it
You reminded yourself: “I’m allowed to want more than just getting through the day.”
That’s enough for now. You don’t have to fix your life in one post. You just have to remember there’s more available to you than functioning.
If this Note felt like a relief…
You might enjoy the next ones too.
And if you’d like to explore this work more personally, I offer a free Connection Call where we can talk about where you are—and what kind of support might serve you best. No pressure. Just presence.
With warmth and compassion,
Sharon 🌿
P.S. If this Note spoke to something you’ve been carrying quietly, there’s a good chance someone you know is carrying it too. You’re welcome to forward this post or share the link—sometimes, a small nudge of recognition is all we need to feel less alone.