How to Stop Overthinking (Part 3): Unhooking From Sticky Thoughts

In Part 1 we distinguished overthinking from useful concern. In Part 2 we mapped the worry cycle and practiced spotting it.

This week: what to do when the same thoughts keep looping—what I call “sticky thoughts.”

By the end of this read you’ll have a 90-second way to unhook from a sticky thought and choose one calm next step.

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When thoughts feel sticky

If your thoughts feel sticky, you’re not failing—they’re trying to keep you safe. These are protective mental habits that made sense once, but now keep you stuck.

I’ve listed a few for you, along with more helpful approaches:

Common sticky thought habits

• Catastrophising — expecting the worst.
  Try this instead: “What’s most likely? If that happened, how would I handle it?”

• Mind-reading — assuming what others think without checking.
  Try this instead: “What did they actually say/do? One kind question I can ask is…”

• All-or-nothing — if it’s not perfect, it’s a failure.
  Try this instead: “What would ‘good enough for today’ look like?”

• Shoulds — rigid rules and expectations.
  (This one’s my personal nemesis - self-made deadlines and pressure that no one else expects of me.)
  Try this instead: Swap “should/must/have to” with “could/choose/want to.”

• Negative filter — only noticing what went wrong.
  Try this instead: “Name one thing that went okay—or was neutral.”

• Over-responsibility — taking on more than is truly yours.
  Try this instead: “What’s mine to carry—and what isn’t?”

These thought habits are common, human, and often invisible. The moment you start noticing them, you create a pause—and in that pause, you can choose differently.

Try this 90-SECOND RESET the next time your thoughts start to spiral:

The 4 Ns

Notice → Name → Normalize → Nudge

Notice: What’s the thought running the show right now?

Name: Which habit is this? (catastrophising, mind-reading, all-or-nothing, shoulds, negative filter, over-responsibility)

Normalize: “My brain is trying to protect me.”

Nudge (choose one):

• Ask: What fact can I check or who can I ask?

• Act: What’s one tiny step that helps right now?

• Rest: If nothing needs doing, how can I support my body for 60 seconds?

Example:
“I should’ve replied already.”
→ Name: “This looks like a Should.”
→ Normalize: “I’m under pressure and trying to stay on top of things.”
→ Nudge: “What’s good enough for today? A brief message now, a full reply later.”

Want a tool to guide you through this?

In the paid member section, I’ve created a simple Quick Card with five grounding questions to unhook from sticky thoughts when they show up.

You can screenshot or save it—and come back to it anytime your thoughts start to loop.